Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Girls in Mitres

Pastoral Care
Watched The Iron Lady the other night. Meryl Streep as more Thatcher than Thatcher. Which got me wondering if this silly nonsense about women bishops and inevitably archbishops was going to have to stop. The top job is up for grabs again, somebody has to sort out the mess and since Lady T is a bit past her sell-by these days, how about an all-female shortlist?
A few suggestions for Prima Inter Pares...
 Mother Teresa: saintly, appeals to those with Roman sympathies, and with undeniable global appeal. Has the added advantage of being dead, which means that she's unlikely to say anything off-the-cuff which can be misquoted by broadsheets and twisted beyond recognition by headline writers.  
Dame Edna Everage: great to have a candidate from the colonies, I mean, the Worldwide Anglican Communion. Dame Edna has charisma, wisdom, insight and great hair which would go really well with purple. Church flowers would never be the same. Hang on a minute. He’s a bloke isn't he!  Trying to sneak his way on to an all girls shortlist! First they dress in women’s clothes, then they try to take a woman’s job! Perhaps alternative oversight and a church all to themselves is the only way to keep the testosterone in order. Oh, yes. There is one. It’s called Rome. 
Jordan: the ideal candidate if the C of E wants to carry on being fractious and bickering, as nobody will be remotely concerned about falling out with her. After all, you have to cross Jordan to get to the Promised Land (tee hee). Might be some problems getting the vestments to fit. Upside: imagine kneeling in front of her for a blessing. Steady, boys… 

Marge Simpson: presides over a nominally Christian household whose members argue constantly and which persistently ignores the ways of the Bible-believing family next door. Bingo. Great role modelling. There might need to be a mitre extension to accommodate the hair, but it’s the right colour and a small price to pay. A minor concern might be that she's still not managed to get her infant daughter to talk. She'll face the opposite problem in the C of E, which is getting fully grown men to shut up.

This does not include me.

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