Physics For Dogs

Don't interrupt me. I'm thinking...

When I am old I intend getting a dog. Perhaps a Braque Bleu; they have a thoughtful, theoretical look about them and a well-chosen one will keep me sprightly until well past my sell-by date. Should this become the case, I shall unfailingly buy my dog a new book which has had me burbling delightedly called "Physics for Dogs".  I spent a happy hour checking the accuracy of the formulae used in the text, which contained remarkably few errors.

Canines with only a rudimentary grasp of statics, dynamics and Newton's Laws of Motion can use some simple physics to master their corner of the universe. Savvy canines can learn, amongst other things:-

How to bring down the mailman with the correct ratio of stealth, stored potential energy and impulse (F_averageDt). 

How to poo strategically, indoors and out, by understanding variable-mass systems and momentum conservation. Calculus required.

How to open any cupboard or bin using Newton's First Law of Motion.

How to successfully drink from the toilet without damage caused by an accelerating moment of the toilet seat.

How to play ‘fetch’ efficiently by calculating projectile velocity and maximum range - this requires a grasp of elementary trigonometry.

How to get out of a bath with or without your bather’s consent  by accurately compensating for friction between the rear paws and the bathtub.

All equations, free body diagrams and annotations are available in the text, together with useful estimates for such things as age-compensated velocity when owner throws a Frisbee and so forth.

More advanced canine students might like to learn about quantum tunnelling to reach the cat next door, but this will be beyond the reach of all but the most able.

I’ll try to pick a bright one.